why does it hurt so bad?
Kick me
scream at me
insult
it's all my fault

never again
I tell myself
lies
why can't I be strong?
what draws me to you
your abuse
why can't I break free
what is there for me
more taunting
more gauging my heart
destroy me

I slither slowly
unhuman anymore
a slug
no dignity
what have I done
insults hurled at me from every side
jealous hearts enfold me
encamp about me
hating me for naught

happy by myself
this should not be the norm
I ache to be
a part of something
acceptable

My heart bleeds at every turn
what is there to hate?
I only want to love
to be more than I am today

Where is that someone
those someones whose hearts will embrace
console
bring life to this dead soul
make me whole
more complete than I am

what is my destiny
should I always feel the sting
of others who desire
to birth a piercing wound to my soul
I lament like a widow
whose children died at birth

Of man
where can I turn?
Lord, you are with me
your words heal the torment
I need somebody here
to continue your work

Fallen angel
I've come to be
my sin ever before me
who can blame me
longing to be loved
needed and nursed
like a child back to health

The warmth of arms around me
kisses flood my face
yet in moments so short
I'm pushed from his embrace
here they come again
the offending words and actions
that scathe my heart raw

like an animal I've come to hide
wincing when voices are near
cowering when extremities come too close

What is my destiny
I feel so trapped inside
unloved
unholy
unnecessary to this life

I want to offer more
what is this curse I bear
when will it be broken
my life is halfway gone

tired of waiting
tired of fighting for my sanity
the life of my love is nearing death's door
drained of compassion
my heart weeps bitter tears
trying to be love
a light in the darkness
the light dwindles in sorrow
fuel for the soul has been spilt

becoming something I loathe
mimicking those who torture and kill
the core of a soul
what has become of me?
shall I always be
never loved wholey and completely
in the human race